The other day my 4-year-old built the most incredible castle with her blocks. It was the kind of project that took patience, creativity, logic, and determination. Entranced by her extraordinary work, I looked at it in pure admiration noticing every detail. Every creative twist. Every carefully constructed and balanced placement of the blocks, and I thought "who is this little girl"? I then looked at her taking into consideration the big picture. This little girl who has so many obstacles. Living in a world not educated about her life threatening food allergy, and not ready to accommodate her needs. A little girl with beautiful manners who loves animals and science, and uses the word "darling" in practically every sentence. She is so seemingly "normal" and yet so unique in her dire situation. Juggling a life in constant danger of food, air, and inanimate objects containing microscopic milk proteins. She is just like every other little girl, yet so completely different in her perspective of the world. She's so young, but so in charge of her allergy. She can be shy, but never misses a chance to speak up about others washing their hands, removing their shoes, or compromising her health and safety. She is assertive and creative, and in my eyes, brilliant. She is capable of amazing things and I see a future that is as bright as her blocks.
I wholeheartedly believe in social responsibility, especially in regards to food allergies- because it's so doable. I also know that food allergy sufferers have to be in charge and in control of their needs and constant state of well-being. One of the hardest parts about being a food allergy parent is feeling that you and you alone are responsible for your child's safety at all times. Help is never just a phone call away. It feels like nobody else understands as well, or tries as hard to understand or thinks they should have to.That constant incredible responsibility can really weigh on you. You can get to a point where you're never giving yourself a break. Constantly trying to decipher the wayward actions of the days, and lack of compassion from the general public and "loved" ones. You watch what should be compassion turn into sympathy because placing the wrong feeling at least addresses the allergy without having to be accountable or responsible for actions. Months turn into years of this cycle and one day you realize you have changed. You cannot relate to simple topics in parenting concerns. You've heard what you can't expect enough times that the statement changes from a discouraging, negative accusation into a motivational goal for your child's future.
Your kids catch pieces of conversations with you advocating for them. They see for themselves when they're left out or avoided and then , even at the tender age of 4, they become independent thinkers who are a part a cause. They are creative, logical, patient, determined, and they begin filling the voids in their own lives with imagination and creative play. They are a new species of kids. One that doesn't fit into most kid stereotypes. No longer the missing voice all of these adults are going back and forth about. They become the bridge. They can see how to make the impossible come into fruition because their life depends on making it work. Then one day you watch a 4-year old construct a real masterpiece, and you see in her the missing piece. She is the bridge over these selfishsly troubled waters. And there you find it. Hope for tomorrow.
